Like a Mosquito
In meditation the other day, an image of a mosquito appeared before me. I remember, years ago, helping with a workshop in Essex, MA. The group had broken into five mini-groups for the day. The guy leading the break-out group I supported, explained why I was assigned to his group instead of another. "The two in that group are both visual, so they work well in tandem. They operate with a kind of shorthand. It's different." Well, I guess that made sense. I knew, from past experiences, that I could be in the "visual" leader's group, and not have any idea what was going on - as though she were speaking a foreign language. This never happened for me with any other facilitator. Maybe that explained why. I just wasn't visual. That's not how I received or processed information. Got it.
Then, maybe five years ago, I began working with Heather. She proved a healer of profound skill with NO agenda. Not one time, in all of the sessions we had together, did I ever sense her holding expectations of me. Belief in me, even when I seriously doubted myself, yes. Expectations, no. She operated from such a clean place within her, I never experienced Heather's "stuff" leaking into our sessions. By the time I got to Heather, I possessed a keen awareness of any practitioner oozing into my appointment, because I'd had some doozies in the past!
The universe, mysterious as it is, cracks me up. When I began working with Heather, I sought help with an ear ache. Yes, I know. Why go to an energy healer for an ear ache? I'd already tried everything else. From chiropractic, acupuncture, homeopathy, western medicine, and other things I can't even recall. By the time I sat with Heather, I'd had an ear ache on and off - in one or both ears - for over a year! Within two or three sessions with Heather, my ears cleared up. Through dowsing (using a pendulum for guidance), she came up with a visual meditative practice for me to use, whenever I felt my ears a bit off. About two months ago, one of my ears started giving me trouble again. I used the practice for the first time in years, with equal success.
What I began to discover, in my work with Heather, far surpassed the mundane cause the universe utilized to nudge me to her. She offered a whole new palette of work for me to engage with, and I learned about myself in ways I couldn't have possibly imagined. One of those discoveries - I, too, receive messages visually. Not ONLY visually, but with Heather holding the door open to this dynamic new world, I stepped into alignment with source energy in way I can only describe as dimensionally different, and visual messages are now a part of that. What a gift Heather has been in my life.
Back to the mosquito. When the insect appeared in my mind's eye, I wondered what it represented. How was I to relate to it? And then a quote I'd heard eons ago chimed in my brain, "If you think you're too small to have an impact, you've never slept in a room with a mosquito." I looked up the quote, to see who I might attribute the wisdom to, but it turns out many people have said similar things.
In my meditation, I sat with the essence of that message, and realized one aspect related to a story I'd recently shared in my third podcast episode, "Before Gratitude." I tell of a time, 16 years ago; I was completely distraught. On the phone with my dear friend, Beth, I wailed and sobbed, and collapsed on the floor of my pantry with grief, betrayal, and anger. And what did Beth do? Nothing.
Beth never once tried to fix things for me. She didn't try to talk me out of my misery. Beth didn't attempt to get me to see the bright side, nor did she encourage me to wallow. Beth didn't attempt to make it about her or find a way to insert herself into the situation. She just sat with me, on the other end of the phone, for as long as I needed. She listened. She brought her full presence to the conversation. I suppose she probably did say something of value, but truly, her greatest gift to me that day was her willingness to hold the space for me to fall apart.
How does this relate to the mosquito? Beth had as much impact on me in those moments, as the little biter does in the bedroom. Huge! And yet, "doing" nothing. Just being with me. I don't mean that wasn't a tall order, in fact, I think it's often far more difficult to sit on the ledge with someone than it is to try to talk them down. But Beth wasn't seeking to make herself comfortable - not anticipating what action I might take that might leave her bereft. She simply showed up without an agenda, and met me where I was.
Hmm...I guess that's the power of "no agenda." It's a small thing, in a way. I mean, you can't see it. Because it is an absence of something, it doesn't take up any space, and in turn, holds the power of mosquito magic! Heather and Beth blessed me with this version of grace. I am truly grateful.
May you, too, access the mosquito power within you. And, I hope someone might bestow a bit of mosquito magic into your life, by "doing nothing."
With much love,
Joanne Lutz
